* He is a servant, not a boss (1 Cor 4:1; Mark 10:45).
* He is to proclaim the secret things of God (1 Cor 4:1), which is the gospel. Any direction and influence that he has must be effected through the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, not by the exercise of political authority over the church or lording over others as non-Christian leaders do (Mark 10:42).
In the late 19th century, Charles Spurgeon identified these problems as being oppressive and detrimental to the church in England. In the 20th century, John Stott made similar observations in the church through out the world. Yes, God still worked, and he may continue to work in the midst of such problems. But if so, it is because of God's grace alone, and the continued presence of God's work does not justify divisive behavior.
In this follow up article (Part II), I would like to describe how divisions typically start in the church. In the next installment (Part III), I will propose some practical solutions for conflict resolution following some biblical guidelines.
How do conflicts and divisions in the church begin?
Basically, it happens in the same way that conflicts among non-Christians arise outside the church. Here is a list of ways that conflicts start. This list is by no means comprehensive or exhaustive, and you may add to it based on your own observations or reflections.
1. GOSSIP AND SLANDER BEHIND A PERSON'S BACK, WHERE THE PERSON GOSSIPPED ABOUT IS ABSENT, DEFENSELESS, JUDGED, AND DISRESPECTED. Speaking to the person directly is the most respectful, polite, noble and honorable thing to do. Gossip and slander is cowardly and despicable, and it is highly damaging and destructive to interpersonal relationships (Prov 11:13, 16:28, 18:8; 2 Cor 12:20; Eph 4:29; 2 Tim 2:16).
2. LABELING AND CARICATURING ANOTHER PERSON. Saying things such as: he's proud; he's lazy; he's selfish; he's immature; he's childish; he's self-centered; he's stubborn; he never listens; he's lustful; he's spoilt; he's divisive; he's family centered; he's a mental patient; and on and on. Statements like these are critical and judgmental. They hurt and wound people unnecessarily and are rarely justifiable, even if they contain an element of truth (Matt 7:1; Luke 6:37; Rom 2:1).
3. MAKING NATIONALISTIC OR CULTURALLY INSENSITIVE STATEMENTS. One that I have commonly heard in the United States is that Americans are "selfish" and "individualistic." Remarks like these imply that non-Americans are less selfish and therefore better than Americans (cf. Rom 3:23).
4. PULLING RANK. Saying to someone, "I'm the senior. I'm older. I'm the leader. I'm the director. Therefore I am your superior, and you must do as I say." Of course, no one ever says this directly. But it is often said implicitly. Phrases in common use among us (e.g., "spiritual order") communicate inequality, breed control and manipulation, and deny our God-given equality and Christian freedom (2 Cor 3:17; Gal 5:1). Although it may be said that everyone is equal, in practice some people are regarded as more equal than others.
5. ENVISIONING THE CHURCH AS A MILITARY OPERATION. The church is not supposed to resemble the army or marines, and its members are not to be treated as cogs in a well-oiled machine. The church is a fellowship, united by bonds of friendship in the Lord (Ps 133:1). First and foremost, Christians are brothers, sisters, and family (Matt 12:50; Mark 3:35). Yes, the New Testament does occasionally use the metaphor of soldiers (2 Tim 2:3), but such language is rare. Any fair reading of the New Testament will show that the Apostles referred to their church members as brothers, sisters and friends, and the body is held together not by a military-style chain of command but by bonds of love. Christians are a "band of brothers," not a "band of soldiers."
6. SENDING PERSONAL MESSAGES TO ANOTHER PERSON THROUGH A THIRD PARTY. Whatever the reason may be for doing this (e.g., "I'm too busy"), it implies that the person being addressed is not worthy of being spoken to directly. It also subtly communicates that the message is non-negotiable and final, and that the recipient of the message has no choice or say in the matter, because the one communicating the message is not the orginator. This greatly increases the potential for misunderstanding and disgruntlement. Moreover, if the third party has some question or objection about the message he is supposed to communicate, he has been placed in a difficult and uncomfortable position. The recipient of the message then has many unresolved questions. Did the leader mean what he supposedly said? What was his intent in giving me such a message? Did the messenger nuance the orginal message based on his own interpretation and bias? A messenger may exaggerate or say something like this: "Ha, ha, your leader said that you have to do this! Ha, ha!" even though the leader may have never inteneded to say it in such a manner.
7. MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT OTHERS WITHOUT DIRECTLY INVOLVING THE PERSONS AFFECTED. Countless times it has happened that decisions were made by someone "at the top," and those being affected didn't even hear about it until after the fact, and then only indirectly. This assumes that certain people at the top have the absolute right and authority over
10. USING THE PULPIT OR PODIUM TO EMBARRASS ANOTHER PERSON PUBLICLY BY SAYING SOMETHING THAT IS NEGATIVE, UNFLATTERING OR CRITICAL. For example, "She loves her husband too much," or "He watched a movie, instead of going fishing on campus." Jesus never embarrassed or humiliated any of his disciples, not even Judas, either publicly or privately.
11. CREATING AN INFLUENTIAL OR EXCLUSIVE GROUP, AN IN-CROWD, WHOSE VOICES ARE HEARD LOUD AND CLEAR, WHILE OTHERS ARE LEFT OUT, IGNORED, UNHEARD, OR PATRONIZED. Exclusivity always excludes genuine friendship (John 15:15). In a previous post Are you a true friend?, I described how exclusivity hurts and destroys friendship. I understand that there must be leaders and elders in the church (1 Tim 3:1-13; Tit 1:5-9). But the members of the church must feel represented by leaders and the elders, not ruled over by them (Mark 10:42).
12. CREATING CATEGORIES OF PEOPLE AND MAKING DISTINCTIONS AMONG THEM, SUCH AS: CLERGY AND LAITY; SENIOR AND JUNIOR; SHEPHERDS AND SHEEP; MISSIONARY AND NATIVE. Using terms like "exemplary, fruitful, sacrificial" to describe certain people, which therefore implies that there are those who are not mentioned are un-exemplary, un-fruitful and un-sacrificial.
13. COMMUNICATING FAVORITISM, PARTIALITY, INJUSTICE, OR HYPOCRISY (Exo 23:3; Lev 19:15; Acts 10:34; Rom 2:11; Eph 6:9; James 2:1,9). God is an impartial righteous judge who does not show favoritism. We are made in his image. No man likes to feel that he is treated with injustice or discriminated against arbitrarily.
14. NOT BEING HONEST, OPEN AND TRANSPARENT (LIKE THE TRINITY) WHEN INTERACTING WITH ANOTHER PERSON. This will invariably cause misunderstanding and miscommunication by causing one party to feel as though the other party is withholding some vital information, or not telling the person the whole story. No one likes to be lied to. No one likes to feel as though someone is withholding some information from them and not telling them the whole truth.
15. PATERNALISM AND PATRIARCHY. This always favors the older, the senior, and the male, instead of the younger, the junior, and the female. This takes away from grace, which is "always" unmerited undeserved favor (Eph 2:8-9; Tit 3:5; 1 Cor 15:10), with grace being perhaps the most beautiful of doctrines in the Bible. Grace and favor has obviously absolutely nothing to do with whether or not one is older or senior or male. So, if we implicitly favor the older, the senior and the male, then the younger and the junior will always be regarded as wrong or inferior or "less worthy" in any area of disagreement or conflict. The merit of the issue itself, or the case in point will always be secondary, and relegated to the implicit practice of paternalism and patriarchy.
16. SAYING, "JUST OBEY," TO ANYONE, INSTEAD OF PRACTICING GENTLE PATIENT PERSUASION. Even if the intention is to encourage faith, it nonetheless translates as "obey blindly," or be regarded as no good. True obedience (or, for that matter, true repentance or true faith) is never ever entirely just an act of the human will. Jesus says that obedience or keeping his commands is the result of love (John 14:15,21), with love being the work or fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). So if anyone says, implies or communicates "just obey," they make it seem as though obedience is entirely up to you, a mere frail, fallible, fallen human being, and they are implying or assuming that obedience is possible by human effort alone, without God's help or intervention.
After quite plainly listing the points above, I understand that merely pointing out faults doesn't help and will not resolve anything. It is because the law by itself is not transformative; the law only nitpicks and condemns the guilty. Law is useless unless it leads to grace (Gal 3:24). Some may regard this list as complaining and church-bashing. Describing these problems may not lead to edification and humble reflection (Rom 12:3; Phil 2:3). It may also infuriate those who feel that they are being unfairly picked on or singled out. But this is not my intention.
Rather, my hope and prayer by painstakingly listing the above is
* to allow those who have been hurt or wounded by bad practices and blind spots in our church to be heard, and to have a voice and a say,
* to promote openness, healing and reconciliation between offended parties, and
* to humbly ponder, review, reassess and reflect upon our UBF practices and, as a 50-year old church, identify the specific areas where we need improvement (unless we think we have none).
In your own experience and observations, how have conflicts, broken relationships and divisions arisen in the church?
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