This morning, I shared a sample bio for it with my boyfriend. He said that I was being too open about my interest in spirituality and that I should keep it professional and targeted to the audience, who will be interested in health. This makes sense to me, and I'm fine with it.
But I do have this deep sadness about getting yet another dose of negative feedback about something I actually value in myself - my self-knowledge and openness about myself.
I get so much negative feedback for being open, yet I occasionally get positive feedback, and either way, it's just a big part of who I think I am, and I don't anticipate it changing anytime soon.
I just like sharing what goes on inside me. I feel more real when I know that other people know about my ideas, or even better, that they agree with me or feel the same way.
It's a classic issue for Enneagram Type 4s. We like to express ourselves.
It's frustrating to live in a society where this type of expression is not only not especially valued, but where it's seen as unprofessional and dangerous to one's career, which is so based on image these days.
I think that if there's one Enneagram type that has a hard time in modern western society, it's the Type 4.
We tend toward melancholy, which this society
We are not afraid to admit to the negative things in our nature, which is a huge liability in this society, where employers can use anything (including facebook and online presence) as evidence in evaluating how well we meet their semi-fascist employment standards.
Sure, we have "free speech" in this country, but that's just about government control. When it comes to the control of employers, there's an enormous amount of indirect control.
Lastly, we type 4s tend to be suited for careers involving emotional expression, such as writing or art. These careers are not especially valued in this society. It's hard to make money at these careers. The work of artists is seen as unnecessary in our practical, achievement- and numbers-oriented society.
It's bad enough to be a member of this "undesirable" Enneagram personality type.
What makes it harder is that I'm dating someone who has the personality type that our society most values: type 3.
So these things that are so hard for me: presenting a professional image, withholding negative information about myself, and fitting into high-paying careers; he does with extreme ease.
I can't believe the extent to which my boyfriend is able to present a good image of himself. I would cringe and break down if I had to do the sorts of things he does. I'm amazed at how much he is able to change how he acts for his audience. He's also very achievement-oriented (I am not), which makes it easy for him in our success-oriented society.
If nothing else, he helps me to see a different (and often opposite) way of doing things. I hope that I help him to open up about his real feelings and to feel good about himself regardless of what he does or doesn't accomplish.
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It's just kind of depressing to live in a society that doesn't value the good things about my personality type - that doesn't value what I most value in myself - not to mention castigates me for doing things that come naturally to me.
I said to my boyfriend as he left the house today, "Maybe I'll come out ahead, because I'll do a career where being so self-knowing and emotionally honest will be an advantage."
He said back to me, simultaneously joking but in all seriousness: "Well, good luck finding a career in which being so open is an advantage." I think he meant that he didn't think my personality traits could be an advantage in any career.
I said back, "Writing, duh!" I wanted to add, "And careers are not the only thing that matters. It's not like the point of life is career success. What about spiritual growth?"
Reference: http://wizard-notes.blogspot.com
